The Wide World of News 
A Charles Foster Kane Media International Publication

November 9, 2002

 

Entertainment News
Steve Martin will host 75th Academy Awards

Slightly Larger Than Usual Wave Hits  San Francisco, City Panics

The wave has already been named "The Wave of 2002."  

The Weather Channel has begun a full investigation of the matter and are planning to film an hour long documentary on the event.  Emotionally charged witness accounts, and a full history of The Rogue Wave Phenomena will be explored.

San Francisco Mayor Willie L. Brown, Jr. said that it is unlikely that the city will ever recover.  "What can we do now?  No one could have anticipated something like this.  All is lost!"

Federal aid has been requested to assist with the clean-up.

United Nations Security Council Decides to let Bush have his way

President George Bush screamed a continuous, high-pitched, Invasion of the Body Snatchers type shriek at the United Nations Security Council on Friday. He extended his finger accusingly toward Syria until they caved and approved his resolution to disarm Iraq.  Secretary of State Colin Powell tried to hide his embarrassment.  "I didn't even know what he was doing", said Powell.  "I never saw that movie."  

"It's what my daddy used to call 'wearin on the goat", said Bush, in a statement made while waiting for toppings at the Security Council taco-bar and sundae wagon.  Bush then bullied his way past France, Russia and China to get the last of the crushed-up Butterfinger.  

Syria later apologized for not approving the resolution sooner by explaining that they thought they were still voting on the new color for M&M's.   

Iraq now has 7 days to agree to the resolution or to launch a pre-pre-emptive biological weapon strike at the U.S.    Iraqi Deputy Prime Minister Tariq Aziz has repeatedly denied possessing weapons of mass destruction.  "It's not like we got em' hidden under our beds!", wailed Aziz in a statement to reporters.  UN weapons inspectors made note to check under Aziz's bed when they return.  

NRA commander and chief, Charlton Heston still opposes weapon inspections of any kind.  "I don't want to live in a world without weapons of mass destruction.  Everyone needs to just stop the madness, pull themselves together and act like men."  Heston then tightened his apron strings and returned to the kitchen.  


Question of the Day

Windmills.  What are they for again?


Alien Colony Ship Passes Jupiter